From “This Sucks!” To Hmmm Interesting…
If it doesn't sit well, question it, again & again & again
Hey friend,
Let me walk you through this like we’re sitting over coffee. Byron Katie’s stuff clicked for me when I realized it’s not about fixing myself—it’s about questioning the stories I tell myself. Let me break it down the way I’d want someone to explain it to me:
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1. When you’re upset, ask: “Is this thought really true?”
You know that voice that says, “They shouldn’t have treated me that way”? Catch it. Pause. Ask yourself: “Can I be 100% sure that’s true?” Maybe they should’ve acted exactly how they did—because they did. Fighting that truth is like yelling at rain for being wet. It just leaves you exhausted.
→ Try this: Next time you’re stewing over something, write the thought down and literally ask it Katie’s four questions. It feels awkward at first, but damn, it works.
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2. Your thoughts are like spam emails—don’t open them all.
That “I’m not good enough” story? It’s not a fact. It’s just a thought your mind recycled from old pain. Treat it like a pop-up ad: “Hmm, interesting. Not today, thanks.”
→ Example: I once spiraled over a friend not texting back. Turns out, her kid was sick. My story wasn’t reality—it was my fear talking.
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3. Arguing with reality is a losing game.
I used to rage against things I couldn’t change—traffic, rude people, my past. Katie taught me: Arguing with what’s already happened is like trying to teach a cat to bark. Waste of energy. Acceptance isn’t approval—it’s just saying, “Okay, this is here. Now what?”
→ Tip: When you’re stuck in “This shouldn’t be happening!”, whisper: “It is happening. How do I want to meet it?”
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4. You’re not your thoughts—you’re the noticer of them.
That voice calling you a failure? It’s not you. You’re the awareness watching the voice. Like clouds passing by. You don’t own the clouds.
→ Practice: Sit quietly for 2 minutes. Label thoughts as they arise: “Worry.” “Memory.” “Judgment.” Feel the space between you and them.
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5. “Shoulds” are soul-suckers.
“I should be further ahead by now.” “They should love me more.” Every “should” is a secret war with life. Drop the rope. Ask: “What if I stopped should-ing all over myself?”
→ Example: I beat myself up for years about “should’ve been a better parent.” Turnaround: “I was the best parent I knew how to be.” Oof. Tears. Truth.
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6. Your business is your own mind—not others’ choices.
You can’t control your partner, your boss, or the news. But you can question the thoughts that say, “They need to change for me to be okay.” Freedom starts there.
→ Try: When criticizing someone, write: “I’m angry at [Name] because…” Then flip it: “I’m angry at myself because…” See what fits. It’s wild.
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7. Pain is inevitable. Suffering? Optional.
Losing a job hurts. Suffering is the added layer: “I’ll never recover. I’m a fraud.” Suffering is the story about the pain. Strip the story, and the pain becomes workable.
→ Tip: When grieving, let the pain flow. But if your mind spins doomsday tales, ask: “Is this actually true? Or just fear?”
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8. Turn judgments into mirrors.
That coworker you can’t stand? Whatever you judge in them (“lazy,” “selfish”) is usually a disowned part of you. Harsh, but liberating.
→ Exercise: Write down what irritates you about someone. Now read it as if it’s about you. (I did this with my dad’s stubbornness—then realized I was refusing to see his perspective.)
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9. “I need X to be happy” is a lie.
We think, “If I just get the promotion/partner/body, then I’ll be okay.” Nope. Peace is now—or never. The external thing just distracts you from the work of questioning your mind.
→ Example: I obsessed over buying a house for “security.” Got it. Still anxious. Turns out, security was an inside job.
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10. You’re already free—you just forgot.
Katie’s not teaching anything new. She’s helping you unlearn the stories that cage you. The peace you seek? It’s under the noise, like a still pond beneath stormy waves.
→ Practice: When overwhelmed, pause and say: “In this moment, am I actually in danger? Or is my mind inventing futures?” Breathe. Come back to now.
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This isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about catching yourself in the act of suffering—and kindly asking, “Is this true?” Do it messy. Do it tired. Just don’t stop. You’ve got this.
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P.S. Start small. Pick one sticky thought this week and put it through The Work. DM me if you want to vent about how annoying it is. I’ll send memes. 💛
Icymi
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Your mind doesn’t have to feel like a war zone. What if you had a roadmap to peace—and a real human (hi) to walk it with you? Let’s untangle one stuck thought together—book a free chat ❤️
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If these words nudged something alive in you, upgrading to paid is highly encouraged, honored and felt ❤️
The reframes are essential. When we can reframe, we can genuinely change our minds.